The light sharply increases. It is spring outside. The train passes by the green side of a mountain. Mister Joseph staggers full of emotion and at the same time fingers his pockets looking for something.
CATHY
Are you looking for anything, Mister Joseph?
MISTER JOSEPH
(in a weak voice)
I had some pills somewhere...
CATHY
Aren't you OK?
MISTER JOSEPH
Never mind, missy, I'm fine...
CATHY:
Won't you sit down? I'll tell you what I see out the window.
The mountain landscape in the spring sun keeps spreading out as seen out the window.
MISTER JOSEPH
No, thank you, missy. I seem to be better now. You know, I didn't expect such a surprise, though I must confess I happened many times throughout my long and tumultuous life to get sick of winter and wish the spring comes quicker. But not that quick! (He sighs.) Only one concern darkens my cheer.
CATHY
Which one?
MISTER JOSEPH
The train conductor, dear young lady. I'm afraid he could do a foolish thing.
CATHY
But we have no train conductor!
MISTER JOSEPH
That's precisely what I'm afraid of, missy.
CATHY
In this case, Mister Joseph, maybe we should run there. Do you think you feel fine enough to make a try?
MISTER JOSEPH
Let's go!
Resolute, Mister Joseph starts walking down the shaking car followed by Cathy. They come out on the platform at the end of the car. But there the bridge between the cars is so franticly jolting, and the chain link railings are so waving, that Mister Joseph's assurance pines away. He grasps at the bars.
The valley the train moves down broadens; they can see clusters of blooming tries.
CATHY
Aren't you warm, Mister Joseph?
MISTER JOSEPH
And if I were warm, in your opinion what wood I supposed to do?
CATHY
Taking your coat off.
MISTER JOSEPH
And who would carry it? Or maybe you think that, ragged as it is, this would be the best occasion to throw it off?
CATHY
To throw it off, Mister Joseph? But your coat smells so good!
MISTER JOSEPH
Indeed? So, if you please, what does it smell of, would you mind telling me?
CATHY
It smells of... (She tries to find the most proper way to say it.) ...It smells of all the things you sold in your shop!
MISTER JOSEPH
(visibly touched)
I'm glad, dear young lady, that you kept such a good memory of the times when you used to come almost daily and buy from me. And at the same time I would like to assure you that I perfectly understand you: it's natural to keep good memories of good merchandise.
Cheerful, Cathy crosses the dancing bridge to the next car. Mister Joseph follows her very cautiously.
In the next car Mister Joseph and Cathy sit down on facing benches. Mister Joseph pulls out his handkerchief and wipes his forehead dry.
CATHY
I'm so glad we're travelling by train again.
MISTER JOSEPH
Well. — If you think this could be called a train...
CATHY
But didn't you say that old things are well done?
MISTER JOSEPH
(embarrassed)
I did. — Hem! — Yes, of course I did. — But you must know that not every well done thing is meant to move on rails.
The car shakes so violently, that Mister Joseph sits grasping at the bench edge. A strange noise can now be heard as if heavy wooden objects dashed against each other. Cathy raises her eyes to the ceiling...
...Which has loosened from the car walls and shakes with the jolting rhythm.
CATHY
(terrified)
Mister Joseph! Mister Joseph!
Mister Joseph has also noticed the disaster but didn't lose his calm.
MISTER JOSEPH
It sounds, dear young lady, like there is nothing to be done. We are going to lose our ceiling. But you mustn't be concerned. You are lucky.
CATHY
Lucky?
MISTER JOSEPH
That it isn't raining. (He watches the ceiling.) Oh, yes! You see... It's exactly what I said. It already began!
The slit between the ceiling and the top of the walls has broadened, and jolting became swinging: collapsing seems near.
CATHY
(endeavoring to master her fear)
Mister Joseph... Shouldn't we better leave?
MISTER JOSEPH
(a little irately)
Where to, miss? Where would you like us leaving?
CATHY
To another car.
MISTER JOSEPH
And do you believe that if we went to another car that ceiling wouldn't collapse?
CATHY
We were already heading for the locomotive.
Cathy tries to stay calm but the state of the car quickly worsens. As she cannot withstand the strain any longer, Cathy jumps out from her seat and rushes to sit down beside Mister Joseph, sticks to him and takes him by the hand.
The ceiling has moved jolting from its place: almost half the car has remained uncovered. Some more moments later the ceiling inclines, slithers off the car producing much noise, and falls outside. Now the car no longer has a ceiling.
Amused, Mister Joseph shakes his head and taps Cathy on her shoulder.
MISTER JOSEPH
I'm sorry, dear young lady, we are now two roofless persons, as it were. Don't worry, missy. Maybe this didn't happen to you till now. But you may believe my word that it could have been even worse. (He looks up and corrects himself.) ...I mean it will be worse! Because, you can see, I'm afraid the sky is clouding over, which, you know that very well, could anytime mean rain.
Black smoke floats very lowly over the car. Cathy sniffs, her nose up.
CATHY
But these are not clouds, Mister Joseph!
MISTER JOSEPH
(upset at being contradicted)
Not clouds? You said these are not clouds? Then, if these are not clouds, may I know, if you don't mind, what is it, in your opinion?
CATHY
(facing him amused)
It's smoke.
MISTER JOSEPH
(in an exaggerated amazement)
Smoke? Do you mean what I, with my lifetime experience, deem to be clouds, is mere smoke? May I ask: smoke where from?
CATHY
From the locomotive.
Determined to prove that Cathy is wrong, Mister Joseph rises resolutely and goes to the window. He leans out the window resting on the frame. But the weakened wall of the car slants outside. Cathy rushes to him and grasps his hand just one moment before the wall falls outside with the clanging of broken window panes.
The wall falls to the railroad bed, rolls several times and finally collapses in a cloud of dust. Mister Joseph let himself dropping dizzy on the bench and fingers his pockets in search of his smoothing pills.
MISTER JOSEPH
Oh, dear miss, I can hardly believe that I'm still here next to you. Please be sure that by your courageous deed you have risen to the first place in my will.
CATHY
Mister Joseph, I just don't want to hear about any will! You are going to live many more years! I don't want you speaking of a will!
MISTER JOSEPH
Yes, missy, I must talk of the will. Because if I ever was lucky in trading, it was thanks to you. You were my best customer! The most loyal and the most full of money! And I made... some fortune, as it were, on your account, just because you were — or maybe you still are? — full of money! And now you saved my life.
Through the gap left by the fallen wall, Mister Joseph and Cathy see the roof of another car from ahead rolling along the railroad bed. The roof smashes the back wall of their car, which collapses on the spot. The wall falls first upon the buffer, then smashes the car behind their one. This causes two walls to fall inside leaving without support the roof, which slides sidewise and collapses near the railroad bed.
Roofs and walls collapse all along the train.
Mister Joseph and Cathy glance anxiously at each other and rush towards the locomotive. Mister Joseph is not afraid any longer of the bridges between cars. They both jump from a car to another while almost the whole train is falling about. Mister Joseph stumbles over a case with bottles of beer and tears a leg of his pants.
MISTER JOSEPH
(trying to master his fury)
Wait a minute, miss. I cannot get further until I don't see what's about this case.
He leans and picks a bottle up, which he carefully inspects.
MISTER JOSEPH
Did you ever see such a label?
CATHY
I'm not all there, Mister Joseph.
MISTER JOSEPH
I agree, missy, that you cannot be all there. But you must admit that a beer like this you cannot find everywhere. Besides, I don't know how, it's pretty cold.
CATHY
Don't you want taste it?
MISTER JOSEPH
I really wouldn't refuse you. You know, from an age on you don't really get used to the heat.
Mister Joseph looks around for an object which he could use as a bottle opener. He quickly finds a hook which he uses on the spot with an unexpected skill and opens the bottle. He tastes the beer.
MISTER JOSEPH
Huh! Not bad. (He takes some more sips.) Not bad at all!
Under Cathy's amazed eyes Mister Joseph drinks a whole half a bottle in a breath. But suddenly the car begins crushing and they both can hardly flee to the platform. Mister Joseph looks regretfully back after the case of bottles.
MISTER JOSEPH
It's a pity for that beer! What an idiot I was no to take one more bottle!
CATHY
It's OK, Mister Joseph. Maybe we'll find another case.
Mister Joseph and Cathy pass to the next car. A whole pile of cases of beer stands at the very entrance. Mister Joseph and Cathy glances surprisingly at each other.
CATHY
I told you, Mister Joseph!
MISTER JOSEPH
Dear young lady, if nobody told you before, let me tell you now: you are clear-sighted.
Mister Joseph seizes a bottle and is about to open it using, as before, a hook.
A MAN'S VOICE
I don't remember when you paid me that bottle, mister.
Turning around, Mister Joseph and Cathy have a man in front of them: a tall man with a twisted moustache, wearing a white apron and a cook's cap.
Delighted, Cathy discreetly plucks Mister Joseph by the sleeve and whispers in his ear.
CATHY
That's a moustache in the Francis Joseph's style?
MISTER JOSEPH
(pretty irately)
Excuse me, dear miss, but it's not the right moment to talk of moustaches in the Francis Joseph's style. This gentleman brought me a serious accusation which I ought to respond to on the spot, shouldn't I. (He turns to the man with a cook's Cup.) I'm a merchant, too, mister. Or rather I was...
THE MAN WITH A COOK'S CAP
(sharply)
I'm not a merchant, mister. I am a cook! That's a great difference, see here!
MISTER JOSEPH
(dignified)
I don't see why there should be such a great difference. Actually, both the merchant and cook build their high credit of waiting on their honorable customers. The only difference, if any, is that the merchant deals in a direct way with his honorable customers, while the cook does it through the waiter.
THE COOK (THE MAN WITH A COOK'S CAP)
Excuse me! I don't work here through anybody. When some one wishes a bottle of beer he pays it to me, not to the waiter. So much the less he helps himself! And moreover without paying!
MISTER JOSEPH
I beg your pardon, mister! (Digging into his pockets.) I didn't mean any single moment to help myself without paying. Let me explain you. This lovely young lady has drawn me out of my house almost against my will, and asked me to accompany her to the cellar to fetch a bottle of beer for her father...
THE COOK
(breaking him; ironically)
From the cellar? You are here not in a cellar, mister, but in the dining car.
Mister Joseph and Cathy look around and notice that they are indeed in a dining car, with tables at which nobody sits.
THE COOK
...And whatever place one would be in, in a cellar or in a dining car, one never simply takes a beer but pays for it! At least that's the way an honorable person acts.
MISTER JOSEPH
(more and more ardently)
Let me explain to the end. This lovely young lady here present has rushed me so that I simply forgot to take my wallet. And let me tell you one more thing. You, as a cook who works without any intermediary, certainly know that beer, however good it may be — the case of your beer, for which I must congratulate you indeed — so, as I was saying, whatever good a beer may be, it doesn't stay fresh more that five to six days, especially when not kept in a cold place. So, acknowledge it, wouldn't it have been a pity to throw it off? Because that's what would have happened eventually, as long as you had no customer.
THE COOK
What do you mean by "you had no customer"? I hope you don't figure we have set out just to run the beer to and fro!
MISTER JOSEPH
I don't understand. What do you mean by "we set out"? Actually you hadn't the slightest intention to get anywhere. It was just accidentally that this lovely young lady has turned by mistake the hand brake, which made the train to start down the valley, as it were.
THE COOK
It was no accident, mister! The train runs according the time table! Maybe at most...
The Cook pulls out from under his apron a pocket watch with golden chain.
THE COOK
...We have a delay of one minute or two.
MISTER JOSEPH
(angrily)
Are you sure you're not mocking at me? How could it run according the timetable when we have no train conductor?
THE COOK
Says you! The train conductor is a very fair man! He never missed his duty, see here!
Two whistles sound, first one long and the second short.
THE COOK
You see?
Thick clouds of black smoke start entering the dining car through the windows, which makes the cook cough. He coughs so bitterly than he looks like he is suffocating.
THE COOK
(after the coughing fit ceased a bit and the smoke began clearing)
So, mister, may I help you? Please take a seat.
Mister Joseph and Cathy sit down at a table, Mister Joseph facing the locomotive, and Cathy opposite Mister Joseph.
MISTER JOSEPH
A bottle of beer, please. If you have nothing against it.
THE COOK
I have not a bit against it. Only you didn't drink yet that one you have swiped. Do you wish me to open it?
MISTER JOSEPH
(embarrassed)
Hem! Yes. — Sure.
Mister Joseph reaches the bottle to the cook but in that very moment the smoke wraps again the dining car, so the cook disappears in the smoke.
THE COOK
(invisible because of the smoke; coughing)
I'm sorry, sir, but I can't open your bottle 'cause I don't see it any more. Where is it? Where are you?
The dining car begins to crackle from all its joints, just like the other cars before. Mister Joseph and Cathy cower under their table trying to guard against the crushing walls.
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